Helicopter And Jet Humor

A student pilot was taking his very first lesson in a light helicopter, holding the cyclic control stick with both hands while his knuckles turned completely white. Every time the wind blew, the helicopter wobbled violently in mid-air, causing the student to overcorrect and send the aircraft banking sharply from side to side. The instructor reached over, tapped the student on the wrist, and said, "Son, hold the stick like you're holding a small bird—firm enough so it doesn't fly away, but gentle enough so you don't crush it." The student took a deep breath, relaxed his grip slightly, and replied, "Sir, right now I'm pretty sure the bird is trying to bite my hand off."

A military fighter pilot was executing high-speed supersonic intercepts over a desert training range when he accidentally cracked the sound barrier a bit too close to a remote cattle ranch. A few minutes later, the airbase tower received a furious phone call from the old rancher living below, complaining that the sonic boom had rattled his windows, frightened his chickens, and caused his porch dog to jump into the rain barrel. The base commander took the call, apologized profusely for the disturbance, and promised it wouldn't happen again. The rancher paused, rubbed his chin, and said, "Well, I appreciate the apology, Commander, but if that pilot is going to break the sound barrier over my house again, tell him to bring the rest of the band with him next time."

During a routine training exercise, a helicopter pilot's main engine suddenly cut out at 3,000 feet, forcing him to immediately execute an autorotation maneuver to glide safely back down to Earth. He manipulated the collective pitch perfectly, landed softly on a grassy patch in a public park, and brought the rotors to a complete stop without a single scratch on the aircraft. A bystander who had watched the entire descent ran over to the cockpit, completely amazed, and asked how he managed to land so smoothly without an engine running. The pilot unbuckled his harness, stepped out onto the grass, and said, "It's simple math—when the big ceiling fan stops spinning above you, you suddenly get very motivated to find a soft place to park."