Dirty Jokes Collection 24

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time." God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?" Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

Little Red Riding Hood wanted to visit her grandmother, her mother said "don't go out there or the big bad wolf is going to grab your titties". Little Red Riding Hood wanted to go anyway. She was on her way to grandma's house when the big bad wolf jumped out and said i'm going to grab your titties. She pulled out a gun and said "no your not, your going to eat me like the book says".

There were men lost in the woods and they said lets all split up and if you find somthing whistle. So the first guy found a pop machine that said, "coke", "sprite", "pepsi" and "get a blowjob" so he put a dollar in and got a blowjob . Then the second guy found the same machine and he got a blowjob too. When they all met up guy one said did you find anything guy one and two said no but guy three said I just made two bucks.

14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA. 13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man. 12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere." 11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns you're worth 45,000 points. 10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again." 9) Your cyberlover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List. 8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by. 7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms. 6) You can barely make out your SO's face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats. 5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company. 4) Since her first e-mail, [email protected] has become cold and distant. 3) She's suddenly changed her address to [email protected] 2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "[email protected]" 1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.

An old begger came across a nunary and decided to goin and check if there were any beds in which he could stay for the night. He couldnt find an nuns to ask so randomly checked all the rooms until he found an empty one. He then decided to find a shower. When he walked in he undressed and looked for soap and a towel just as he started to clean himself he noticed three nuns stumbling into the shower. He noticed that they were blind and so he would go un noticed while they showered. They all took there clothes off and looked for the cleaning impliments. The first reached out and grabbed what she thought was a leaver and soap came shooting out. The second grabbed what she believed to be a leaver and a towel shooting out the third grabbed what she believed to be a leaver and said "Thank god for Oil of ulay"

Newly married couple both nyphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast "Oh think I'll have a shag please!" So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work. Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for lunch dear?" "Oh I think I'll have a shag please!" So again they shag and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the bannister! "What are you doin?" he asks. "I'm warming up your dinner!!"

There was once a kid who overheard his parents screwing. His father told his mother,"Oh, you have such nice big titties!" His mother told his father,"Oh, you have such a big, long cock!" He asked his dad what titties and cocks were. His dad Told him,"Titties are big hats that women wear, and cocks are big long coats that men wear." The next day, he overhears his parents arguing. His dad calls his mom a bitch and his mom calls his dad a bastard. He asks his mom what a bitch and bastard are. His mom tells him,"Well, a bitch is a woman and a bastard is a man." It's the night of the thanksgiving dinner. He walks by the bathroom while his dad is shaving. His dad cuts himself and says,"Shit!" He asks what shit is. "Oh, it's just this stuff I'm getting off my face now." He then walks into the kitchen, where his mom is stuffing the turkey. She slices her finger with a knife and says,"Fuck!" He asks what fuck is. She tells him,"It's what I'm putting in the turkey." The guests arrive,and the kid wants to show off His new vocabulary. "Hi, there, bitches and bastards. Allow me to take your titties and cocks and hang them up for you. My daddy's in the batroom wiping the shit off his face and my mommy's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

One Hole Behind... A man was golfing. He walked up to a woman standing nearby him and said, "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember what hole I'm on." And the woman replied, "Well, I'm on hole 6, and you are one hold behind me, so you must be on hole 5." He thanked her and walked away. A few minutes later he approached her. Again he asked the same question, "I can't remember what hole I'm on. Can you tell me?" And again the woman replied, "Well I'm on hole 10, and you're one hole behind me, so you must be on hole 9." That was the last time he spoke to her, and they both finished their games seperately. Later that night the man saw the woman at a bar. He walked up to her and started up a conversation. Making small talk, he asked her what she did for a living. "I don't want to say. You'll laugh," she replied. "Oh, give me a shot. Just tell me who you work for." "Well, ok. But promise not to laugh." (He promised.) "I work for Tampax, you know, the feminine protection company." After she spoke, the man started cracking up. "See? I told you you'd laugh," she said. "No, no," the man said. "It's not that. It's just that I work for Preparation-H, so I'm always one hole behind you!!"