Dirty Jokes Collection 25

Two men shipwrecked on an Island are captured by cannibals. The cheif informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the'Ordeal of fruit'. The men accept at once and the cheif tells them to go into the forest and collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him. The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The cheif says that if he can shove all of the grapes up his ass without laughing he will be released from the island. But no sooner than the first grape has reached his ass he bursts out laughing 'Whats so funny?' the cheif asks 'You do know we will kill you now?' 'Im sorry' the man says. 'Its just that my friend is collecting pineapples'.

Father Joseph, a missionary, was touring the African village in which he lived, when suddenly a man came up to him. "Father Joseph!" the man demanded. "Everyone is black in this village, but my son was recently born white! You are the only white man within 200 miles! Explain yourself!" Father Joseph sheepishly answered, "Now, uh, don't judge too harshly," and pointed towards the goats. "You see, goats are normally white and that one was born black! It's just one of nature's mysteries that you have to accept." "Oh, I understand, Father Joseph," the black man said. "I stop talking about the white child, and you stop talking about the black goat, OK?"

An Irishman, and Englishman, and a Polishman were in a bar in New York. They all were talking and commented on how they liked the bar. Then the Englishman said, "Back in England their is a bar where for every drink you buy the owner of the bar will give you a free drink." They all said that it sounded great. The Irishman then said, " That's nothing, back in Ireland there's a bar where for every drink you buy the owner will give you two drinks." The other two were very impressed. Then the Polishman said, "That does sound good but there is a better bar back in Poland. There, if you buy three drinks they will take you in back give you three more drinks and you'll get laid." The others were all impressed and said, "This happened to you?" The Polish man responded, "No, they did it to my sister."

Johnny was 8 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging herI figured 'Sis must be getting sickbecause her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just > the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the docotr because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

Down by the water where nobody goes, There lies Rachel without any clothes, Along comes Mark swingin his chain, Opened up his zipper and out it came, 3 months later all was well, 6 months later it started to swell, 9 months later out it came, There was baby Anthony swinging his chain