Fishing Jokes Part 1

A novice angler from out of town decided to try ice fishing for the very first time. He bought all the necessary gear—heavy thermal clothes, specialized short rods, an auger, and a warm bucket to sit on. He drove out to a frozen lake, picked a quiet spot, cleared away the snow, and began chopping a hole in the ice. Suddenly, a loud, booming voice roared from the sky above, saying, 'There are no fish under the ice!' The man froze in terror, looked around, but saw no one. Thinking it was just his imagination or a strange trick of the wind, he picked up his ice auger and moved fifty yards further down the frozen lake. He set up his gear and began drilling another hole in the thick ice. Once again, the thunderous, authoritative voice echoed across the frozen expanse, 'There are no fish under the ice!' Panicking, the man dropped his auger, fell to his knees, looked up at the grey clouds, and shouted, 'Is that you, Lord? Are you giving me a sign?' The loud voice replied immediately, 'No, you idiot, I'm the ice rink manager, and you're ruining the public skate!'

Two men were sitting on a frozen lake ice fishing in the middle of a brutal winter. One guy was an old hand who had been doing it for forty years, while the other was a beginner who had never stepped on ice before. The old hand was pulling out walleye and perch left and right, filling his bucket in minutes. Meanwhile, the beginner hadn't gotten so much as a single nibble. After three hours of shivering without a bite, the beginner finally couldn't take it anymore. He walked over to the old timer, wrapped his coat tighter around himself, and asked, 'Excuse me, sir, but what is your secret? We're fishing in the same lake just twenty yards apart, yet you have a full bucket and I have nothing.' The old timer looked up, but he kept his mouth completely closed and uttered a series of muffled, unintelligible gargling sounds: 'Mmm-mm-mmm-ph, mmm-mmm-ph!' The beginner stared at him in utter confusion and said, 'I'm sorry, I couldn't understand a single word you just said.' The old timer spat a cold, slimy blob directly into his gloved hand and wiped his mouth. 'I said, you've got to keep the worms warm!'

An eager newcomer joined a veteran angler on a frozen bay in northern Minnesota for his first ice fishing trip. As they sat inside the heated pop-up ice shack waiting for the tip-ups to go off, the beginner noticed a shiny stainless-steel thermos sitting next to the elder fisherman's chair. Curious, the beginner asked, 'Hey Dave, what's that metal container you brought with you?' Dave smiled warmly and replied, 'That's a thermos bottle! It's one of the greatest inventions known to mankind.' The beginner tilted his head and asked, 'Really? Why is it so special?' Dave explained, 'Well, it keeps hot things hot, and it keeps cold things cold!' The beginner thought about this remarkable technological marvel for a moment, nodded in genuine awe, and asked, 'Wow, that's amazing! So what do you have in it today?' Dave shrugged and said, 'Two cups of hot coffee and a popsicle.'

It was fifty degrees below zero in the middle of January, but two die-hard friends decided nothing was going to stop them from enjoying their annual ice fishing trip. They trudged out onto the ice, set up their wooden ice hut, lit a tiny portable heater, and cut two holes through three feet of solid ice. After sitting in near-silence for four hours shivering while watching motionless lines, one of the guys pulled a flask out of his heavy winter parka. He unscrewed the cap, took a quick sip to warm his throat, and held it out toward his buddy. His friend shook his head violently and shoved the flask away. 'No thanks, man! Are you crazy?' Surprised, the first fisherman asked, 'What's wrong with a quick drink to beat the cold?' His buddy shivered violently, clamped his teeth together, and snapped, 'If I open my mouth right now, my teeth will freeze to my tongue and I'll drop dead! Besides, if my wife finds out I drank your whiskey, she won't let me go fishing in this nice weather anymore!'