Fishing Jokes Part 4

A group of novice tourists booked an expensive full-day deep-sea charter off the coast of Cape Hatteras to target big blue marlin. About fifteen miles out into the open ocean, massive swells began rolling in, rocking the boat violently from side to side. Within an hour, all four tourists were green-faced and leaning over the side rails, suffering from extreme sea sickness. One tourist, clutching his stomach in agony, managed to crawl toward the captain in the wheelhouse. The tourist moaned, 'Captain! Please, you have to tell me... is there anything at all I can do to keep from getting sea sick?' The weathered old captain casually adjusted his steering wheel, looked out at the horizon, took a sip of black coffee, and said, 'Sure there is, son!' The tourist gasped hopefully, 'What is it? Medication? Acupressure wristbands? Ginger root?' The captain replied, 'Nah... just sit under a nice oak tree in the middle of a dry meadow!'

Three deep-sea anglers were sitting at a marina bar in Miami boasting about their most dangerous encounters with marine predators. The first angler held up his arm, showing a long scar, and boasted, 'See this? A six-foot hammerhead shark took a chunk out of my forearm while I was unhooking him off Key West!' The second angler scoffed, pulled up his pants leg to reveal a thick scar across his calf, and sneered, 'That's nothing! I was spearfishing in the Bahamas when a ten-foot tiger shark bit my leg. I had to poke him in the eyes with my snorkel to get away!' The third angler sat silently, slowly sipping his beer without saying a word. The other two turned to him and mocked, 'What about you, Dave? Ever had a close call with a man-eater out in the deep water?' Dave put his glass down, took off his hat, and pointed to a completely smooth, unblemished patch of skin on his forehead. 'You see that right there?' They leaned in close and blinked. 'There's no scar there at all, Dave!' Dave nodded grimly and whispered, 'That's right... the shark missed me by two inches, and I've been terrified of water ever since!'

Two competitive offshore anglers entered an elite sportfishing tournament with a fifty thousand dollar grand prize for the largest swordfish. They spent twelve hours drifting in pitch-black waters forty miles off the coast, using glow sticks and squid bait. Around 3:00 AM, the heavy rod bent double, screaming line off the heavy reel. They spent four exhausting hours battling the sea monster, taking turns on the harness until they finally hauled a giant 400-pound swordfish onto the deck. Exhausted, bruised, and covered in fish slime, the captain looked down at the massive catch and said, 'Man, this fish is easily worth fifty grand! But tell me... was all this back-breaking work really worth the money?' His partner slumped against the gunwale, rubbed his throbbing back, and said, 'Well, considering we spent eighty grand on fuel, tackle, tournament entry fees, and lost gear... we only lost thirty thousand dollars this weekend! That's a record high for us!'

A deep-sea angler dropped his heavy line down into the abyssal depths two thousand feet below the surface. After waiting for two hours, he felt a strange, rhythmic pulling on the rod. He cranked the electric reel until a weird, glowing bioluminescent creature with massive eyes broke the surface. As the angler went to unhook the strange deep-sea creature, the fish suddenly opened its mouth and spoke in a clear, refined voice: 'If you return me to the deep blue dark ocean, I will grant you three wishes!' The angler stared at the fish, tossed it right into the cooler, and slammed the lid shut. His boatmate gasped in shock. 'Are you out of your mind?! That fish was magic! It offered you three wishes, and you threw it in the ice chest?!' The angler shrugged and said, 'Look, I'm a deep-sea fisherman. I get lied to by tackle shops, meteorologists, and charter captains every week... I'm not taking financial advice from a creature that got caught on a rusty piece of squid!'