Funny Lists Collection 43

1. A few clowns short of a circus 2. A few fries short of a Happy Meal 3. An experiement in artifical stupidity 4. A few beers short of a six-pack 5. Dumber than a box of hair 6. A few peas short of a casserole 7. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box 8. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead 9. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl 10. One taco short of a combo plate 11. A few feathers short of a whole duck 12. All foam, no beer 13. The cheese slid off the cracker 14. Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel 15. Has an IQ of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt 16. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear 17. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 18. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down 19. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools 20. As smart as bait 21. Chimney's clogged 22. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash 23. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair 24. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor 25. Forgot to pay his brain bill 26. Her sewing machine's out of thread 27. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels 28. His belt doesn't go through all the loops 29. If he had another brain it would be lonely 30. Missing a few buttons on his remote control 31. No grain in the silo 32. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse 33. Receiver is off the hook 34. Several nuts short of a full pouch 35. Skylight leaks a little 36. Slinky's kinked 37. Surfing in Nebraska 38. Too much yardage between the goal posts

I Love This Country, But... 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road..In the Words of the Star Wars Characters YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great. VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side. LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different. LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like my father. LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this. HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident! THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road. ARTOO: beep beep be bop. CHEWIE: Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll! BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me. BOBA FETT: What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me! WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it? JERJERROD: The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our efforts. BIB: Die chicken wanga? BIGGS: At that speed, will you be able to cross in time? TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car! UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. You're only concern is to cross that road. AUNT BERU: He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him. ADMIRAL ACKBAR: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled! EMPEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand. JABBA: Bo shuda chicken!

25. My Plan To Find The Real Killers By O.J. Simpson 24. The Catholic Guide To Great Sex 23. To All The Men I've Loved Before By Ellen Degeneres 22. The Difference Between Reality And Dilbert 21. Human Rights Advances In China 20. Things I Would Not Do For Money By Dennis Rodman 19. The Wild Years By Al Gore 18. Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean 17. America's Most Popular Lawyers 16. Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors 15. Detroit - A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways To Spell Bob 13. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy Unix 11. Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know About Men 8. French Hospitality 7. George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names 6. How To Sustain A Musical Career By Art Garfunkel 5. Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette 4. Spotted Owl Recipes By The Epa 3. Staple Your Way To Success 2. The Amish Phone Directory 1. The Book Of Virtues by Bill Clinton

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"