You Know Youre Too Stressed
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewingis really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
...you begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...you keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!" even though you are the only one in the room.
...your heart beats in 7/8 time.
...David Lynch comes up to you and says: "Hey! Can I film you?"
...you and Reality file for divorce.
...you can skip without a rope.
...it appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
...you have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
...you can travel without moving.
...antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
...you discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
...you begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the night.
...teddy bears begin to bully you for milk and cookies.
...you have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
Stupid Quotes
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey, pop singer
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
- Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party convention
China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
- Former French President Charles de Gaulle
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.
- Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
"It's like an Alcatraz around my neck."
- Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
They're multi-purpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers
It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal anti-smoking campaign
The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"
After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.
- A congressional candidate in Texas
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam
The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation
1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimums.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5 .I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minimums.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree & 3000 hours in a Lear.
15. We shipped the part yesterday.
16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
17. All you have to do is follow the book.
18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
24. We'll be home by lunchtime.
25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.
27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
29. I thought YOU took care of that.
30. I've got the field in sight.
31. I've got the traffic in sight.
32. Of course I know where we are.
33. I'm SURE the gear was down.