Naughty Johnny Jokes Part 3

Little Johnny's parents were hosting a formal dinner party for his father's new boss and his wife. Johnny's mother spent the entire day cooking a gourmet meal and explicitly warned Johnny to behave his absolute best. During the meal, everyone was enjoying their food and engaged in polite small talk. The boss's wife smiled across the table at Johnny and said, "My, Johnny, your mother sure is a wonderful cook! Everything tastes absolutely delicious." Johnny looked at her, then looked at his mother, and said loudly, "She didn't cook half of this! She bought the pie at the bakery around the corner!" The room went dead silent. The mother turned bright red with embarrassment. Hoping to salvage the situation, the father chimed in, "Johnny, why would you say something like that?" Johnny shrugged and replied, "Because mom told dad right before you arrived that if the boss likes the pie, she'll pretend she baked it herself!"

Little Johnny’s mother brought home a pet parakeet to teach Johnny about responsibility. However, the bird quickly developed a bad habit of squawking loudly whenever anyone walked into the hallway. One afternoon, Johnny's uncle came over for a quick visit. As soon as he stepped into the hallway, the bird let out a loud, piercing screech. The uncle laughed and said to Johnny, "That's quite a noisy bird you got there! Does he know any words?" Johnny nodded solemnly. "He knows plenty of words, uncle, but my mom covers his cage with a heavy blanket every time dad starts yelling at the television, so the bird mostly just knows swear words!" Just then, the bird squawked again from under the cloth: "Watch your mouth, Bob!"

While playing hide-and-seek on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Little Johnny snuck up into the attic to find a good hiding spot. Behind an old wooden trunk, he discovered a dusty cardboard box filled with old photographs and letters. Curious, Johnny picked up a photo of a young man with long hair, a leather jacket, and a mustache who looked nothing like his father. He ran down the stairs holding the picture and ran straight into the kitchen where his mother was preparing lunch. "Mom! Who is this guy in the attic box?" His mother froze, took a quick glance at the photo, and turned slightly pale. "Oh, that's just an old friend from college, Johnny. Put it back." Johnny grinned slyly and said, "Well, he looks a lot cooler than dad! If he was your boyfriend, why didn't you marry him instead?" His mother sighed and muttered under her breath, "I tried, Johnny, but your father offered a better dental plan!"

Little Johnny was notorious for delaying his bedtime using every trick in the book. He would ask for glasses of water, extra stories, and endless philosophical questions. One night at 9:00 PM, his dad finally had enough. He tucked Johnny in, turned off the main light, and said sternly, "Johnny, no more questions, no more water, and no more getting out of bed. If I hear one more peep out of you tonight, you're grounded this weekend!" Ten minutes passed in complete silence. Then, a tiny voice called out from the dark bedroom. "Dad?" His father marched back into the room, furious. "I thought I told you not to make another peep! What do you want?" Johnny looked up from his pillow and whispered, "Dad, when you come to ground me this weekend, can you bring a glass of water with you?"