Naughty Johnny Jokes Part 4

During summer vacation, Little Johnny was sent to stay with his uncle on a dairy farm in the countryside. Having grown up in the city, Johnny was fascinated by all the farm animals. On his first morning, his uncle took him out to the barn to demonstrate how to milk a cow manually. Johnny watched intently as his uncle squirted milk into a metal bucket. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Uncle, how do you know when the cow is completely empty?" His uncle chuckled and said, "Well, Johnny, when no more milk comes out, the tank is empty!" Johnny thought about this for a moment, looked at the cow's large ears, and asked, "So if I pull her tail, does it flush the whole system?"

Little Johnny was walking around the farmyard with his grandfather when he noticed the farmer's big rooster strutting proudly around the hen house with a small bell tied around its neck. Johnny pointed at the bird and asked, "Grandpa, why does that rooster have a bell around his neck?" His grandfather smiled proudly and said, "Well, Johnny, that's a very special rooster. He's so efficient at doing his job that the farmer put a bell on him so we can hear him working without having to keep an eye on him all day!" Johnny watched the rooster for a few seconds, noticed a small medal pinned to its wing, and asked, "What's the medal for then?" His grandfather beamed. "Oh, he won that for being the most productive bird on the entire county farm!" Johnny nodded slowly and remarked, "Man, that bird is getting awards for stuff dad gets yelled at by mom for doing!"

A new neighbor moved in next door to Little Johnny's house, bringing along a massive, ferocious-looking English Mastiff. The dog spent all afternoon barking loudly at the fence. Johnny's dad walked out to the yard, looked over the wooden fence, and saw the neighbor standing near the back porch. "Excuse me, sir! Does your dog bite?" The neighbor called back cheerfully, "No, sir! My dog doesn't bite at all!" Relieved, Johnny's dad reached over the fence to pet the dog's head. Instantly, the dog lunged forward, snapping its jaws shut and ripping the sleeve right off his shirt! Johnny's dad jumped back in horror, clutching his arm, and screamed, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" Little Johnny, who had been watching the whole encounter from the porch, shouted over, "Dad! That's not his dog! His dog is sitting on the porch over there!"

Little Johnny’s class went on an end-of-year field trip to the city zoo. The teacher guided the children past the lion enclosure, the giraffe tall-house, and finally to the monkey house. Inside the monkey house, a large baboon was sitting close to the glass, scratching its head and making funny facial expressions at the crowd. Johnny stared at the baboon for a long time, then turned to his teacher and said, "Miss Smith, that monkey looks exactly like my uncle Jim!" Miss Smith gasped in shock. "Johnny! That is extremely rude and disrespectful! You should never say something like that!" Johnny looked surprised and asked, "Why? The monkey can't hear me through the glass!"