Naughty Johnny Jokes Part 8

Little Johnny was playing baseball in his backyard when an errant fastball shattered the kitchen window of Mr. Henderson, the grumpiest neighbor on the block. Seconds later, Mr. Henderson burst out his back door holding the scuffed baseball, his face turned beet red with rage. "Johnny!" Mr. Henderson roared, stomping over to the fence line. "Did you throw this ball through my window?" Johnny looked at the shattered glass, looked at his baseball bat, and replied calmly, "Well, Mr. Henderson, I hit the ball, but technically your window stood right in its way!" Mr. Henderson yelled, "That's no excuse! Who is going to pay for this broken glass?" Johnny smiled politely and said, "If you give me my ball back, I'll ask my dad to pay for the glass, but only if you promise to fix your terrible window placement!"

Mrs. Gable, the neighbor next door, was very proud of her award-winning rose garden. One afternoon, she saw Little Johnny digging a large hole right next to her wooden fence. She leaned over the top rail and called out, "Johnny! What on earth are you doing near my roses?" Johnny stopped digging, wiped sweat off his forehead, and said, "I'm burying my pet goldfish, Mrs. Gable." Mrs. Gable softened up a bit, feeling sorry for him. "Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss, Johnny. But isn't that a rather large hole for a tiny little goldfish?" Johnny looked down into the three-foot-wide trench and said, "That's because my goldfish is inside your cat!"

Little Johnny's dad wanted to teach him the value of hard work, so he offered Johnny ten dollars to cut the front and backyard lawn on Saturday morning. An hour later, the dad walked outside to check on Johnny's progress and was shocked to see a smaller kid from down the street pushing the heavy lawn mower while Johnny sat under a shade tree drinking lemonade. His dad marched over to the tree. "Johnny! What is going on here? I hired you to cut the lawn!" Johnny took a sip of his cold drink and explained, "Dad, I'm practicing modern business management. I subcontracted the lawn labor to Tommy for five dollars." His dad stared at him, caught between irritation and amazement. "So what are you doing?" Johnny smiled. "I'm enjoying my net profit of five dollars while performing executive supervision!"

Little Johnny built a makeshift wooden treehouse high up in the oak tree in his front yard. From his high perch, he had a clear view of the entire neighborhood street. One afternoon, his dad came out to the yard and called up to him. "Johnny! Come down from there, it's time for dinner!" Johnny popped his head out of the wooden window frame and shouted down, "I can't come down right now, dad! I'm conducting vital neighborhood security!" His dad shook his head. "Security? What are you talking about?" Johnny shouted, "I'm keeping an eye on Mr. Jenkins down the street! He's been trying to sneak his trash into our garbage cans for three weeks, and I'm waiting for him to try it again!"