Sci Fi & Geek Collection 6

Luke: Hey, what happened to Biggs? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago... Random Imperial Trooper: Emperor Palpatine? Here's that wrinkle cream you asked for, sir... R2D2 : Anything coherent Han : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault. Luke: You're kinda cute...can I buy you a drink? Luke: (trying to impress girl) Wanna see some neat Jedi tricks? Jabba : Anything that doesn't start with Hooo, Hoooo, Hooo Yoda or Mon Mothma : I've fallen, and I can't get up! Anonymous Death Star Officer: Wow, that Vader is touchy today. C3PO : No comment Chewbacca: Why don't I ever get the girl? Han : I traded the Falcon in for this new family model... Obi-Wan Kenobi: Luke, will you please stop whining? Darth Vader: This is CNN. Ewok Female: You know, that Chewbacca may be tall, but he's awfully cute. Luke: Jeez, only one woman around, and she has to be my sister. Jabba : Pass me that can of SlimFast, will you? Imerial Officer: Why don't any of the rebels have this British accent? Leia: I want my hairstylist executed - immediately. Yoda: I have seen the future, and we're never going to make it to Episode 7. Lando : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault. Han : Chewie, you need shampoo AGAIN?! Han : OUCH! Chewie, have you been using my razor again? Luke : Jedi, Shmedi. Let's go hit a bar, Han. Luke : Anybody got a cigarette? Boba Fett : You know, I'm actually a really nice guy when you get to know me... Palpatine : Budget crisis? Whaddaya mean BUDGET CRISIS??? Jabba : And pack the extra Sand Skiff with Rolaids Bib Fortuna : Does anyone here know how to do a French Braid? Han : Hey Lando - how much DO you spend on dry cleaning, anyway? Lando : Han, you seem troubled...have you called my psychic hotline yet? Leia : No, I didn't say TRIM, I said cut it ALL OFF! C3PO : Actually, I have nothing to say.

10. Having to live a good part of my live with the name 'Anakin.' 9. Obi-Wan Kenobi keeps appearing in the middle of the night saying 'I told you so!' 8. Boba Fett gets all the chicks. 7. All I did was torture hundreds of innocent people, wipe out an entire generation of Jedi Knights, assist in destroying the rightful government in exchange for a malevolent dictatorship, destroy a planet, torture my daughter that I didn't even know existed, chop off my son's hand and I'm the bad guy. 6. The way G.M. tries to skirt around installing new safety features (Whoops! Sorry, that's a Ralph Nader pet peeve). 5. That darn Energizer bunny. 4. Whenever I eat at a KFC, everyone jokes that I'll only eat dark meat. 3. Wiseguys who come up to me saying 'This is CNN.' 2. When appearing together at military functions, The Emperor always insists on wearing his 'I'm with stupid' T-shirt. 1. I'm seen as a dark lord representative of all that's evil, but Newt Gingrich is a national celebrity.

1. Spent a lot of time in the gymnastics facilities working on those AMAZING backflips, etc... 2. Played "Itsy Bitsy Spider" trying to get his fingers to work again 3. One word: Whined 4. Spent days, and days, and days trying to figure out why his mom married a walking toaster. 5. Played "Ding, Dong, Ditch" with doorways on board the Medical Frigate to practice his Force skills until they kicked him out. 6. Learned to shoot baskets again.

10. X-Ray vision: for checking out what the other gender jedi were hiding under their robes. Banned by Yoda (something to do with small-man's complex). 9. Super-Complaino-Power: the ability to complain one's way out of any tough situation (see Luke Skywalker) 8. Insect Repellant: ability to generate an insect repelling force field 7. Rejection Perception: ability to see if opposite gender will reject or accept a dinner date proposal before the proposal is made (this way, the studly line, "you could use a good kiss," would be met with something other than, "I'd just as soon kiss a wookie." 6. Coffee Warming Power: ability to warm a cup of coffee with hands (or other small snack items sorta like a microwave). 5. Ability-to-see-sith-coming-out-of-thousand-year-hiding-and-start-taking-over -galaxy-power: (see TPM) 4. Ewok-Exploding-Power: deemed too close to the good side/bad side borderline for universal use. 3. Nookie-stamina-increasing-power: really tried on this one, ladies, and is still in development today. requires lots of practice with a willing partner... 2. Extra-sensory-clitoral-proximity-locating-power: (goes with three) 'been trying for THOUSANDS of years on this one, ladies, and haven't given up yet, rest assured. Your urgent requests have kept it at #2 again. It remains one of the great mysteries of the Galaxy. In fact, its probably because so much jedi mental resource was being used to develop this power that #4 failed. Could be, you never know! Stop throwing stuff at me! 1. Bad-joke-protection

In real life, people drive "the Pacer", "the Pinto", and "the Station Wagon;" In Star Wars, people drive "Speeder Bikes", "X-wing fighters", and "the Millennium Falcon." In real life, bar fights with strange looking people are often looked at as bad and sinful; In Star Wars, bar fights with strange looking creatures is heroic and the way of the just Jedi Knight. In real life, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called crazy; In Star Wars, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called galactic ambassadors. In real life, people who dress up in tight plastic/leather outfits are considered tacky and queer; In Star Wars, they're called "Storm Troopers" and are feared by all. In real life, people often stink up the bathroom with their fecal odors, toilet paper runs out, and people get diarrhea; In Star Wars, no one has ever used the bathroom. In real life, tall hairy, humanlike creatures are rarely seen by backwoods alcoholics, and are named ridiculous things like "Bigfoot" and "Sasquatch"; In Star Wars, tall hairy humanlike creatures are called Wookiees, and have their own language, planet, social structure, and carry formidable weaponry. In real life, people must deal with the problems of children; In Star Wars, children do not exist. In real life, it is often difficult to understand the languages of others, such as 7-11 employees, fast food window operators, and college profs.; In Star Wars, everyone understands everybody, regardless of language barriers. In real life, the extremely obese are often sadly shunned by society; In Star Wars, the extremely obese Jabba the Hutt is a pimp daddy, and has his own sail barge, lounge room, and dancers to keep him occupied--he is envied by all. In real life, people often have problems doing simple mechanical things like operating can openers, programming VCRs, and playing Nintendo; In Star Wars, Droids do all the busy work in half the time. In real life, some people are complete losers; In Star Wars, everybody has a story to tell that's worth listening to. In real life, people sometimes smell; In Star Wars, people are never "ripe", and yet they need not shower