The Clintons Collection 2

One day while at the White House, the maid was cleaning the Oval Office's bird cage -- but, while she was doing it, the parrot flew out the window. The maid was scared that President Clinton would find out and she would be fired. So she went to the pet store and asked the clerk if they had any parrots similar to the one she had lost. The clerk said yes, they had one that looked just like it, but the bird had been in a whorehouse for three years. The maid figured it was better than nothing and bought it. When she took it back to the White House she put the parrot back in the cage like nothing happened. Later that day, Hillary came in and the parrot said Too old, too old -- the First Lady was a bit peeved, but thought nothing of it. A little bit after that Chelsea came in and the parrot said, Too young, too young. A couple hours later, President Clinton came into the room and the bird chirped enthusiastically, Hi Bill! Hi Bill!

One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ''Nice pigs, sir.'' The President replied, ''These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.'' The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ''Nice trade, sir.'''

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell. The two pass each other on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?" The Pope says, "Not that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to." Bill asks, "What is that?" The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary." Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field. The stunned umpired shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw the first PITCH!'"

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy". Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Finally, a new bumper sticker for BOTH political parties. This hottest selling political bumper sticker comes from New York State: "RUN HILARY RUN' Democrats put it on the rear bumper. Republicans put it on the front bumper.

Mr. John Hinckley St. Elizabeth's Hospital Washington D.C. Dear John, Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our Country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Hillary and I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man. Best wishes, Bill Clinton P.S. Guess you heard Ken Starr is having an affair with Jodie Foster.

To be sung to the tune "My Favorite Things" from the "The Sound of Music": Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places, Big Macs and French fries and girls with big faces, Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring, These are a few of my favorite things Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers, Horny young interns who while 'way the hours, Profits from futures that Hillary brings, These are a few of my favorite things When that Jones bites, When Ken Starr stings,When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad Beating the draft board and getting elected, Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected, Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing, These are a few of my favorite things Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury, Falling down drunk that required knee surgery Stars in the White House who come here to sing, These are a few of my favorite things Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony, States of the Union with lots of baloney, Winning debates and the joy of my flings, These are a few of my favorite things.

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton? 1% said, "No" 2% said, "Yes" 97% said, "Never Again"

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie," Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people," Ho! I really don't want to do that. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."