Clinton Jokes and One-Liners
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
A: "Sat on the Presidential Staff"
Q Whats The New Press
Q: What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
A: Fornigate.
Q What Do Monica Lewinsky
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q What Is Bills Definition
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q What Is The Difference
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q How Does Bill Keep
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q What Does Bill Say
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q Why Does Bill Clinton
Q: Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
A: He wants to be on top.
Q How Did Bill Clinton
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Q How Many Women Does
Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite?
A: It Takes A Village!
Q When Did Clinton Realize
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q Whats The Difference Between
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Q Whats The Definition Of
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Q What Game Did Bill
Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
Q Why Is Clinton So
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Q Whats The Difference Between
Q. What's the difference between the Secret Service and Janet Reno?
A. There are some things the Secret Service won't do to protect the President.
Q Did You Hear Clinton
Q. Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
A. The Spread Eagle
Q Whats Lewinskys Favorite Bird
Q. What's Lewinsky's favorite bird?
A. The swallow
Q. How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they are to busy screwing the President.
Q Why Did Clinton Cross
Q. Why did Clinton cross the road?
A. To get to the intern on the other side, of course
Q Why Did The Intern
Q. Why did the intern cross the road?
A. To get to the BOOK CONTRACT she needed to sign on the other side
Q What Was Lewinskys Position
Q. What was Lewinsky's position at the white house?
A1. Head Intern
A2. Under Secretary
A3. Missionary
Q What Is Lewinskys Code
Q. What is Lewinsky's code name in the FBI?
A. Deep Throat
Q. What is Clinton's favorite toy?
A. An Erector Set
Q What Is Clintons Favorite
Q. What is Clinton's favorite card game?
A. Poker
Q. What is Clinton's favorite food?
A. The Cumquat
Q What Is Clintons Favorite
Q. What is Clinton's favorite T.V. Show?
A. Leave it to Beaver
Q Whats Clintons Favorite Song
Q. What's Clinton's favorite song?
A. Grooving
Q. What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A. Lays
Q What Is Clintons Favorite
Q. What is Clinton's Favorite Presidential Act?
A. Edict
Q. What office equipment has been distributed to all white house secretaries?
A. The Dick-taphone
Q What Is The Unwritten
Q. What is the unwritten Executive Privilege?
A. Having first pick of the new White House Interns.
Q Why Would Clinton Make
Q. Why would Clinton make a great rowing instructor?
A. Because he is so good at say, "Stroke, Stroke, Stroke."
Q Why Is Clinton Such
Q. Why is Clinton such a lousy golfer?
A. He likes to take a lot of stokes.
Q. Why does Clinton swim naked in the white house pool?
A. He is trolling for interns.
Q What Is Clintons Worst
Q. What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
A. An intern with braces. (I feel your pain)
Q Whats Clintons Economic Forecast
Q. What's Clinton's Economic forecast?
A. A "Bare" Market
Q. What is Clinton's number one training exercise for interns?
A. Tongue Twisters...
Q Whats Bill Clintons Favorite
Q. What's Bill Clinton's favorite sandwich?
A. Tongue Sandwich
Q What Does Clinton Have
Q. What does Clinton have in common with a Timex watch?
A. It takes a Licking and keeps on Dicking
Q Why Did Clinton Recommend
Q. Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at Revlon?
A. He knew she would be good at making things up.
Q Why Did Richardson Offer
Q. Why did Richardson offer her a job in the Foreign service?
A. He thought she would be good at speaking in tongues.
Q What Is Clintons Favorite
Q. What is Clinton's Favorite outfit?
A. The Sear Sucker Suit
Q Why Did Lewinsky Have
Q. Why did Lewinsky have an affair with Clinton?
A. She wanted to get ahead in the world.
Q What Does Clinton Do
Q. What does Clinton do fist thing in the morning?
A. Read the HEADlines...
Q How Many White House
Q. How many White House interns does it take to satisfy Clinton?
A. Nobody knows, he has never been satisfied.
Q What Do Isikoff And
Q. What do Isikoff and Ice Cream have in common?
A. Both get scooped regularly.
Q How Does Clinton Order
Q. How does Clinton order his coffee in the morning?
A. Hot with Whipped Cream
Q Whats Clinton Favorite Place
Q. What's Clinton favorite place in the White House?
A. The Oval Orifice
Q What Magazine Does Clinton
Q. What magazine does Clinton hate?
A. WIRED
Q. What is the latest warning to be posted in the White House?
A. Don't Tripp!
Q What Did Clinton Say
Q. What did Clinton say the night after the Lewinsky story broke?
A. 'What A Bad Tripp!'
Q What Does Nixon Have
Q. What does Nixon have in common with Clinton?
A. Tricky Dick
Q Whats The Difference Between
Q. What's the difference between Bill Clintons dick and a Quebec Hydro tower?
A. A Quebec Hydro tower comes down occasionally
Q What Do Sleeping Beauty
Q. What do Sleeping Beauty and Lewinsky have in common?
A. Both were Pricked.
Q What Do Oj And
Q. What do OJ and Clinton have in common?
A. Both are lying, bad golfers, who leave a trail of DNA behind.
Q What Do Clinton And
Q. What do Clinton and Starr have in common?
A. They are both inclined to extend their probes.
Q What Was Arafats Advice
Q. What was Arafat's Advice to Clinton?
A. Goats don't talk!
Q What Did Gore Say
Q. What did Gore say after the Lewinsky story broke?
A. 'Why do they call me the stiff man in the White House?'
Q What Did Monica Say
Q. What did Monica say when the FBI ask for the "Dress?"
A. Come and get it.
Q What Was Clintons Last
Q. What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?
A. Spot remover.
Q How Can You Tell
Q. How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton?
A. You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handing you a job application.
Q What Do Monica The
Q. What do Monica & the Green Bay Packers have in common?
A. They both blew it.
Q Why Does Clinton Wear
Q. Why does Clinton wear boxers?
A. To keep his ankles warm.
Q What Do Monica Oj
Q. What do Monica & OJ Simpson have in common?
A. Sore knees.
Q Why Did Clinton Quit
Q. Why did Clinton quit the saxophone?
A. So he could play that Hoarmonica
Q Did You Hear About
Q. Did you hear about the 11th Commandment Clinton introduced?
A. Thou shall not expose thy rod to thy staff
Q What Do You Get
Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A. CHELSEA
Q What Will Bill Clinton
Q. What will Bill Clinton be known as when he leaves the White House?
A. The President after Bush
Q What Is The Name
Q. What is the name of Monica Lewinsky's new book?
A. 'My Taste For Power'
Q How Can You Tell
Q. How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A. His lips are moving
Q Whats The Difference Between
Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a dog?
A. A dog chases his own tail
Q What Is Clintons Codename
Q. What is Clinton's codename?
A. 'The Unibanger'
Q What Do You Call
Q. What do you call Clinton's fly?
A. U.S. Open
Q. What did Clinton say when asked about the scandal?
A. I was trying to keep my campaign promise by putting more women on my staff.
Q Do You Know Who
Q. Do you know who Hillary has asked to stay at the White House?
A. Lorena Bobbitt
Q Why Are They Asking
Q. Why are they asking for $3.00 Presidential funds in this year's tax returns (Last year it was only $1.00)
A. Because condom prices have gone up!
Q What Is The Difference
Q. What is the difference between the president and the titanic?
A. They know exactly how many people went down on the titanic.
Q When Can You Tell
Q. When can you tell that the country is in trouble?
A. Clinton has been caught with Al thinking it was Mal.
Q What Did Clinton Say
Q. What did Clinton say to the new female intern?
A. I haven't come across your face.
Q What Did Clinton Say
Q. What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story?
A. NOW she decides to open her mouth!