The Clintons Collection 4

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?" "I believe you're in my chair."

The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation. The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered. Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations. A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings: *The stamp was manufactured properly. *There was nothing wrong with the adhesive. *People were just spitting on the wrong side.

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?" Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage." "NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain." "DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?" Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE." There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Is Dorothy here?"

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly. Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc. Reagan shouts: "Women and children first." Nixon goes: "Fuck the women." Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 25 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the cans in the box?" Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened but temptation does happen and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years." So they hugged and made their peace. Then Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?" Bill answered sheepishly, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek. The blonde thinks: "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face" The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him." Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me." George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."

The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars" 14. "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke." 13. "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?" 12. "I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't." 11. "Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different." 10. "Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too. And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..." 9. "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!" 8. "I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music." 7. "Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster -- and make it look like a suicide." 6. "I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky." 5. "It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away -- and I'm still a lyin' weasel." 4. "Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses." 3. "Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work." 2. "These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top." 1. "She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"